I am glad Substack doesn't offer a gamut of emoticon responses, but somehow pressing the 'heart' doesn't feel quite the thing. However, all I am trying to do is to thank you for writing this, and for being courageous enough to seek the words and hit 'publish'.
This way, others might have a chance to consider what course of action they might take if they find themselves in comparable circumstances. When we feel we may have made an error, and especially if it feels momentous, the only thing that perhaps we can do to the good is to help others avoid a similar bad decision. With your brave choice to write this piece, you may achieve that; or may well already have done so.
(You won't know for sure. But you don't need to know.)
Hi, thank you for saying all that. Regret is one of the most difficult emotions to process, and the only thing that has helped me so far is being open about it, trying to empathize with the past self who made this decision while still recognizing that it was a mistake. My father made a lot of those, too.
I don't think we should second guess people we don't know, but from what you write, I think your Dad would be the last to judge you. I imagine he might be feeling very concerned that you are unhappy.
My father died this year. We had a difficult relationship in many respects. I thought I was prepared, and thought I had done enough, in order that his death was peaceful, and (selfishly) that I could feel satisfied with myself.
But what is 'enough'? When the instant of passing comes, your preparation reveals itself to have been pretty much illusory. The momentous nature of death, its finality, asks you for a suitable response. And in my case, I felt I had nothing suitable.
And then I realised that if it were that simple - if one could get ready, do it 'right', win approval? - it would be a more trivial thing. The unfathomability of death is supposed to give us pause for thought. The pause may last a very long time. And that's OK, too.
Please accept my condolences on the passing of your father. You inherited his ability to captivate but you use a different medium, words not spoken but arranged in just such a way.
Congratulations on your painting mastery for the reality show, what a difficult time to rise to the occasion and showcase your artistry.
My daughter recently told me she needed me not to communicate with her for a while while she works on some things. Told me she loved me and all that but just needed space. My wife died 5 years ago, about 18 months after a diagnosis of stage 4 lung cancer. Life happens fast. I have many regrets about those 18 months. I think I did a lot of things right, but also that I could've done some things better. Life's too short, and time's too precious to get priorities wrong.
Thanks! Actually, reading your posts about awful situations in life has inspired me to write up my other traumatic stories. It's sort of restorative catharsis... and a topic I usually don't write about, as a children's book author.
this is beautiful
I cried at the end of this. Thank you.
I am glad Substack doesn't offer a gamut of emoticon responses, but somehow pressing the 'heart' doesn't feel quite the thing. However, all I am trying to do is to thank you for writing this, and for being courageous enough to seek the words and hit 'publish'.
This way, others might have a chance to consider what course of action they might take if they find themselves in comparable circumstances. When we feel we may have made an error, and especially if it feels momentous, the only thing that perhaps we can do to the good is to help others avoid a similar bad decision. With your brave choice to write this piece, you may achieve that; or may well already have done so.
(You won't know for sure. But you don't need to know.)
Requiescat in pace.
Hi, thank you for saying all that. Regret is one of the most difficult emotions to process, and the only thing that has helped me so far is being open about it, trying to empathize with the past self who made this decision while still recognizing that it was a mistake. My father made a lot of those, too.
I don't think we should second guess people we don't know, but from what you write, I think your Dad would be the last to judge you. I imagine he might be feeling very concerned that you are unhappy.
My father died this year. We had a difficult relationship in many respects. I thought I was prepared, and thought I had done enough, in order that his death was peaceful, and (selfishly) that I could feel satisfied with myself.
But what is 'enough'? When the instant of passing comes, your preparation reveals itself to have been pretty much illusory. The momentous nature of death, its finality, asks you for a suitable response. And in my case, I felt I had nothing suitable.
And then I realised that if it were that simple - if one could get ready, do it 'right', win approval? - it would be a more trivial thing. The unfathomability of death is supposed to give us pause for thought. The pause may last a very long time. And that's OK, too.
I'm sorry you also lost your father recently, and I appreciate your insights on the impossibility of perfectly orchestrating a death.
I also want to note that I'm not unhappy now! I accept the way that things turned out. I just wanted to share openly what I went through.
Very good to hear
Please accept my condolences on the passing of your father. You inherited his ability to captivate but you use a different medium, words not spoken but arranged in just such a way.
Congratulations on your painting mastery for the reality show, what a difficult time to rise to the occasion and showcase your artistry.
The nipples detail kills me.... love you friend <3
Heartwrenchingly beautiful. I thoroughly enjoyed your story (in a sad way) and I am glad you could be there with your father in the very end.
Heartbreaking and beautiful
Enjoyed this a lot.
My daughter recently told me she needed me not to communicate with her for a while while she works on some things. Told me she loved me and all that but just needed space. My wife died 5 years ago, about 18 months after a diagnosis of stage 4 lung cancer. Life happens fast. I have many regrets about those 18 months. I think I did a lot of things right, but also that I could've done some things better. Life's too short, and time's too precious to get priorities wrong.
What a painful experience that must have been... winning & dying.
I had my brother die a while back in a faraway hospice... hurts like crazy and nothing can be done to lessen it. That's life, as they say.
But to have a gameshow running along on top of the pains of a life ending is a real topper!
Yes, a strange experience to be sure! But death is always strange, never normal, despite how inevitable it may be. I'm sorry for your loss.
Thanks! Actually, reading your posts about awful situations in life has inspired me to write up my other traumatic stories. It's sort of restorative catharsis... and a topic I usually don't write about, as a children's book author.